In 2019 when Trump talked about using cryptocurrency to facilitate illegal activities I immediately called my weed dealer and asked if he takes ETH. Sadly, he responded with the predictable, “WTF is ETH.” Forty-five minutes later, and after a severe case of the munchies, I got a hard no on the crypto for drugs situation. I don’t blame the future savior of all things Red White and Blue for not knowing what the hell he was talking about any more than I would blame my grandpa for a piss-poor K/D ratio in Call of Duty.

Thankfully Trump got into blockchain faster than hipsters got into Moscow Mules. I know some would say he only did this when he realized these crypto donors had billions to spend on his campaign. And to that, I would say, better him with those funds than Weekend at Biden’s choice for VP. It’s funny how against the current system of campaign finance I am until billionaires throw cash at a cause I support. Like, if Elon wants to pay fifty mil to Trump every month like a child support payment, then I guess we can deal with campaign finance next cycle. I’d rather Trump be the baby momma than T-Swizzle.

We are now at the crazy nexus where crypto is evil and needs to be banned (according to Elizabeth Warren), but Trump accepts donations in Bitcoin. That means we are about three election cycles away from campaigns accepting kush as payment.

Regardless, if Trump comes through with his promise to create government stockpiles of Bitcoin, pass pro-crypto laws, and block the Fed from creating a CBDC, then I say give him the nuclear codes. Let him slow dance with Kim Jong Un. And more power to him if he becomes Vladimir Putin’s Thunder Buddy. This bag I’m holding isn’t going to pump itself. I mean, the Devs at Chivey Social keep promising we’re going to launch soon. But I want my yacht now… right damn now!